Why am I here?

So yeah. I’m looking for a way to start a new project. I got my final result for my master's studies on 9 August 2019. Suddenly everything went blank. I stare at my sleeping husband right next to me. Snoring lightly as he is working hard during the days. Trying to provide me and our unborn child a better life in the future. But something is missing.

Back then, I was always running around doing something. I completed my bachelor degree a year early from all my friends, graduating at 23, a month later I got myself a decent job, move to Damansara and start to earn my living. By the time the convocation ceremony, I furnish myself with a brand new car while my friends still struggling to look for a job. The job is great. I was occupied from 8 am till late at night. I figured I’m young. I should be working all the time and I am. I was determined to collect, carrell, and get all the information regarding this new world from my boss. He is great. He’s an AR who used to work in a big firm in Malaysia. and boy was I too eager. I learnt a ton to prepare me for the next job.

Living in Damansara was too much for me. I moved to Shah Alam, and I moved my job to. I figured its time to expand. I have a senior now. She taught me a lot. Not only regarding the works, but she also taught me how to do life too. To this day, we are still great friends. A year pass by, I felt the itch, the boredom. Consultancy is not my thing. I hate sitting at the desk, staring at my computer screen. I quit my job.

I joined an NGO Muslim Care Malaysia as a staff. I made new friends. They are only two of us as the NGO staff. This is the best year of my life. I woke up in Shah Alam, Selangor, having lunch in Malacca, tea time in Johor and dinner in Kelantan. We are in and out from each state for less than 4 hours. You name it, we travel by car and plane. It was so much fun. I was exposed directly with the refuge from the Palestine War, the stateless person from Mabul Island, and the Bah Kuning in late 2014. 

Cleaning one of the affected house in Kelantan

It was a massive operation. It was tiring, We barely slept, eat, tend to ourselves but everything worth it. We held a massive food and necessity drive at Kompleks Darul Thibbun Nabawi in Shah Alam.  Malaysian people are so generous. We are able to send food and other necessities every day to our selected point at Kelantan, Terengganu, Perak, Pahang. It was loads and loads of lorry, 4x4, boat. Malaysian people man. They even donated boats! equipped with the engine for us to make sure we can get the necessities to the needed person. We have 10 boats by the time the operation closing. We build makeshift surau and temporary shelter at Kampung Tako and Kampung Bahagia. Basically, I was running everywhere. I learnt so many things.

By the end of February, I got a job offer that is too good to decline. So I went for the job. I reported for duty at the end of March. By this time I way too far from my consultancy job. I’m the building industry. My project was one of the mega projects in Malaysia. LRT Kelana Jaya Extension Project. I mean we had a portion of it. I was dedicating all my time to learnt and make myself comfortable with my team members and my new surrounding. I am the only female executive in my team. Thank god I wasn't being bullied by my colleagues. They were kind enough to teach me the good, the bad, what to do, and what to avoid in the construction industry. My boss was great too. By the time the project finished, I was transferred to other mega projects. I was bored. It was a residential project even though the client is MRT Corporation.

So, I applied for part-time masters studies at my local university and got accepted to study for two years. And my time was occupied again. I am no longer bored to death. I have classes during weekdays from 8 pm till 11.30 pm every day. After my class, I will punch-in to my project site again to check on my workers. It was so much fun. I run my own department. Make my own decision, within my perimeter of course. Then, the project complete. On-time. I was transferred to a much larger project. 2 MRT station with a bunch of Utility Building and TPSS building to be exact. But this time, I’m not running my own department. I have to answer to a misogynist superior, who undermine every step that I take. He bans me from joining any meeting whatsoever. You are a female employee, just sit at your desk, do some paperwork. I manage to complete every task that he gave me way too quick. I was stressed out. I am starting to ask for more to do. And that makes him far too happy to pass everything to me. I don't mind at all. I just need something to prevent me from that boredom feeling.

Then, I met a guy. We dated for a while, engage, and get married. All while I’m finishing my studies and handling my superego superior. Now here we are. I am 29 weeks pregnant. I am happy. I have completed my studies. I managed to ‘handle’ my misogynist superior. I have a roof up my head, food on my plate, cloth in my wardrobe, and yet, I’m starting to feel bored.